December 2009
4 posts
Guuuurl...
“See I’m gonna tell you, like you told me, cash rules everything around me…sing it dolla dolla bill ya’ll…sing it dolla dolla bill ya’ll.
See, pimpin got hardaaa cause girls got smartaaa, all the strippers suddenly wanna be a partaaa, rather be in the club shakin for a dollaaa, triples time the money you spendin like they wannaaaa.
They gotta they mind on they...
What is this VRRRRRRRRRRRRR machine?
Right.
There he goes again. The Big Guy.
…ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT…I’m out of this, “keeetchan.” Settle down. Geez. Take one little step and out comes the, “outta this keeetchan” and the pointing. Can’t tell you how much I hate the pointing.
Point this, Motherf…oh…what’s that? Ooh. Ooooooooh. OOOOOH, its getting stronger. WHAT is this aroma I must eek my way towards??
HEY!
I HEARD YOU THE...
November 2009
11 posts
Music that makes my tail wag extra fast...
For some reason, I can’t seem to nail down the honeys like I expected. I’m good looking, right? Got the whole, “long nose” thing going. And check out my little bitty tail. See that? You see how I can make it zip back and forth? Chicks should be DIGGING this, right?
Sadly, I’m stuck with Molly.
Plus, I’ve got no balls. Literally. So, yeah.
But still,...
My personal war with the softball...
I don’t get it.
It doesn’t breathe. It makes no motions. And yet, there’s something beneath that leather texture.
Of course, the big man doesn’t let me chew on it long enough to get past the leather.
Someday. Someday, soon…he’ll turn his back. Then we’ll see what’s doing underneath the leather shell of this so-called, “soft ball.”
My dreams...
Lots of people wonder what I dream about. They see me moving my legs and her me growling in my sleep.
Well, truth be told, its not that exciting. What do you think I’m dreaming about? Chasing stuff, of course. The softball. Destro. Squirrels. Leaves blowing around in the wind. All kinds of stuff. Basically, I just race around trying to catch things nobody else cares about and then...
My love of white bread...
Listen, I’m already trained pretty well. Can’t quite figure out the stick shift on the jeep, but I’m getting close. (That clutch is tough).
Otherwise, I’ve got most things down. But don’t you go telling the big guy that. He still thinks he can teach me new things by treating me to delicious slices of white bread.
Have you had this? Oh.my.goodness. My favorite...
October 2009
32 posts
This is the restaurant I got thrown out of. (Long... →
“Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.”
– Kody
Messy eaters are the coolest...
When the big man puts my bowl down, I have a nice routine on how I eat. First, I look around sheepishly. Is destro nearby? Ooh, boy, that cat better not be. I’ll bite him. Mark it eight, dude…I’ll take a chomp.
No? STILL not allowed to chomp the cat?
Boo.
Ok, so when the coast is clear, I like to eat my food BESIDE the bowl. Grab a few nuggets and drop them on the...
The art of the Helicopter-Poop.
Most people back up and lower down when its time to drop bombs. Not me. Not my style, baby.
When I go, I like to make sure people are laughing and cheering me on as I do my business. I employ the “Helicopter-Poop.”
Step 1: Sprint to the desired spot with tail straight back.
Step 2: Slam on the brakes and stick out tongue.
Step 3: Spin around 4 times in the same spot (tongue...
The greatest "people food"...
Every once in a while, I’ll do something amazing. Like the laundry. Or some pushups. Or not chew up a recliner.
Its these types of occasions, Daddy skips the regular dog treat and gives me a little nibble of people food. OH.MY.GOODNESS.
Have you had people food? Good, right?
Here’s the best:
*Pizza (Not Papa Johns)
*Steak
*Pasta
*Slice of Bread (white, not wheat)
*Anything...
“If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go...”
– Woodrow Wilson
There should be a college football playoff...
Daddy and I watch a lot of football. Fortunately, I’m well versed in plays because he watches all the teams. Not just the run-up-the-middle and short screen passes Kentucky rolls 56 times a game.
How do they not have a playoff system yet? What is so hard about this? I mean, really, who gives a shit about winning the Citrus Bowl if its not the national championship? “Hey, you won...
My many, many beds...
How many beds do you have? Me? I have seven.
Of course, there’s my crate which is left open for me to come and go. Its a modest joint. Pillow with some old sheets wrapped around it. Smells like dog.
Then there’s the recliner my Daddy doesn’t sit in.
Then there’s the couch, the patio deck, behind the recliner, and under the computer desk.
But my favorite…my...
Inside Kody's World #2
Fine. You nabbed me. You cornered me like a welfare mooch hauling beer out of Wal-Mart. What? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say I like him? FINE. I LIKE HIM.
(But I don’t trust him.)
HEY, I SAID IT.
I said it for all the world to see. I.LIKE.DESTRO.THE.CAT.
(But I don’t trust him.)
What? What is this??? Why do I have to go to my kennel, Daddy? All I was...
“Boo Michael Vick.”
– Kody
Inside Kody's World #1:
Look here. I love very few things in life.
Here’s the list:
*My family.
*The softball.
*Shitting by the big Oak on Shelby Campus.
*Staring endlessly at Destro.
*Farting. (Especially underneath the bed. Shhhh.)
*Licking myself.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think...”
– Sue Murphy
What's a German Shorthaired? →
The two recliners...
Ok. I’ve decided the carpet sucks. Yeah, its snobbish and whatnot, but let’s be honest…the recliner is where its at.
We have two.
Boom, baby, boom.
Personally, I prefer the newer, stiffer recliner. Helps my back.
But then again, there’s a certain charm to Daddy’s recliner because its so beaten down with years of football-watching.
Hmmmm…which to...
“Broken promises break my heart. If you don’t have your word, you have...”
– Doc
Why aren't the troops home?
So, Daddy voted for the cool guy who can shoot basketball with his buddies. Daddy voted for the smooth-talking hero who promised America’s Armed Forces would be home if he got elected.
That was a while ago, right?
Hey! Is that a breadstick?
OOOH OOOH…BREADSTICK…you gonna eat that breadstick?
