Kody's view on life.

Guuuurl…

“See I’m gonna tell you, like you told me, cash rules everything around me…sing it dolla dolla bill ya’ll…sing it dolla dolla bill ya’ll.

See, pimpin got hardaaa cause girls got smartaaa, all the strippers suddenly wanna be a partaaa, rather be in the club shakin for a dollaaa, triples time the money you spendin like they wannaaaa.

They gotta they mind on they money, money on they mind, they got they finga on trigga, hands on the nine, see they every day feel the struggle to stand on the ground and nobody take it from us and that’s the bottom line.”

(No idea what this means, but it makes my tail wag.)

What is this VRRRRRRRRRRRRR machine?

Right.

There he goes again.  The Big Guy.

…ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT…I’m out of this, “keeetchan.”  Settle down.  Geez.  Take one little step and out comes the, “outta this keeetchan” and the pointing. Can’t tell you how much I hate the pointing.

Point this, Motherf…oh…what’s that?  Ooh.  Ooooooooh.  OOOOOH, its getting stronger.  WHAT is this aroma I must eek my way towards??

HEY!

I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!  SEE THIS EAR?  ITS HUGE!  I GOT TWO OF THEM, BIG GUY!!  YOU DON’T HAVE TO USE THAT TONE!!  FINE!  I’M ON THE CARPET!!!

Mmmm…smells exceptional.  Yep.  I want whatever comes outta the box that goes, “VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.”  Oooh, door just opened and the Big Guy is pulling out some kind of dead animal dripping with juicies and oh…oh…I want it.  I want it soooooooooooooooo bad.

Damnit.

That magic vrrrrrrrrrrrr box.  I bet it makes my little nuggets taste magical.

Music that makes my tail wag extra fast…

For some reason, I can’t seem to nail down the honeys like I expected.  I’m good looking, right?  Got the whole, “long nose” thing going.  And check out my little bitty tail.  See that?  You see how I can make it zip back and forth?   Chicks should be DIGGING this, right?

Sadly, I’m stuck with Molly.

Plus, I’ve got no balls.  Literally.  So, yeah.

But still, it would be nice to have a girlfriend to catch a movie with.  Or maybe even sharing a plate of pasta in a back alley.   So I’ve decided to up my game to really pull in the babes.  Starting with better music preferences I’m really digging now.

*Springsteen

*George Strait

*2Pac

*The Zac Brown Band

*Motley Crue

Pretty diverse right?  Well, duh.  Different hotties like different stuff.  Everyone knows boxers dig 2Pac.  And everyone knows bulldogs sweat George Strait.  Poodles?  Those uppity bitches roll over for Springsteen and don’t get me started on the love labs have on Motley Crue.

Now excuse me while I load up my iPod with things to make the hotties howl.

My personal war with the softball…

I don’t get it.

It doesn’t breathe.  It makes no motions.  And yet, there’s something beneath that leather texture.

Of course, the big man doesn’t let me chew on it long enough to get past the leather.

Someday.  Someday, soon…he’ll turn his back.  Then we’ll see what’s doing underneath the leather shell of this so-called, “soft ball.”

My dreams…

Lots of people wonder what I dream about.  They see me moving my legs and her me growling in my sleep.

Well, truth be told, its not that exciting.  What do you think I’m dreaming about?  Chasing stuff, of course.  The softball.  Destro.  Squirrels.  Leaves blowing around in the wind.   All kinds of stuff.  Basically, I just race around trying to catch things nobody else cares about and then bring them back.

Oh, and Jennifer Love Hewitt.  She’s amazingly hot.  So yeah, I dream about curling up with her and showing her my short little tail.  Chicks dig that.

My love of white bread…

Listen, I’m already trained pretty well.  Can’t quite figure out the stick shift on the jeep, but I’m getting close.  (That clutch is tough).

Otherwise, I’ve got most things down.  But don’t you go telling the big guy that. He still thinks he can teach me new things by treating me to delicious slices of white bread.

Have you had this?  Oh.my.goodness.  My favorite move is to savor the bread.  First I start with the crust as I gently peel it away, strip-by-strip.  Then, I’ll paw it around into a little ball and shove that into my mouth like I’m chewing some tobacco.  Destro hates this, which, altogether, makes it that much better.

So yeah, I’ll throw my paw up to shake…but only if he’s got some white bread.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some jeepin to do.